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 Leona Santos - Advanced
Cat · 17 · 7th · Neutral · Taken · 5'4"
Hufflepuff Advanced
Offline
27
4014
Awards:
Awards: 19

May 12 2012, 07:13 PM   Link Quote
Rankinggg topic! :3
link to if!ranking

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0
HUFFLEPUFF
{ sterlona }
Cat · 17 · 7th · Neutral · Taken · 5'4"
Hufflepuff Advanced
Offline
27
4014
Awards:
Awards: 19

May 12 2012, 09:29 PM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Intermediate
At least four of your recent role play topics:

- |I’m trying|: (This is on IF wurr~) -
    It’s somewhat old, but it’s where I tried to convey Leona’s empathy and how it can confuse her. She’s supposed to meet up with a friend that she has been trying to get closer to, but at some point she bumps into a veryyy upset girl. The contact “triggers” her empathy, and she experiences the heart ache that the witch was going through.

- beautiful chaos. -
    A thread where Leona is in violent mode. Shiral, a girl Leona has yet to formally meet, stumbles upon her in the abandoned classroom. This is the start of an awkward arc thing between her and Shiral. X3 I’m HOPING they can end up as friends or something, but I’ll have to wait and see how this relationship plays out~

- Nightmares -
    I sort of envisioned this as taking place after two above threads. Leona is upset about how she has recently been losing control over herself, and wanders through the castle until she ends up in the abandoned tower. There she encounters a girl who seems to be far worse off than herself, and engages in a conversation with her.

- floating on a blue lagoon -
    Leona sneaks out to meet up with her fellow prefect, and close friend, Jaaaames. :3 They're just hanging out at the mermaid cove, finding cool things underground and stuff.

- A Day in the Life of Sterling McGrath -
    Donald and I thought it would be fun to have a thread where we go through what we imagine is a normal day for Sterling and Leona. X3 We’re intending for it to go on until we’ve completed an entire “day” – from morning to bed time~ And. Yup! This is sort of a continuation of the Sterling/Leona plot arc.

- our own little [music box] -
    So, this thread was sort of my escape from writing upset/violent Leona. >.< I’ve found that it’s… kind of draining, I guess, to write her that way, so Maddy (Aria) and I came up with a nice little “relationship” of sorts between her eaglet and my badger. This is sort of messing around with descriptions for me as well. But, anyway, it shows Leona sneaking off into the night to dance. She misses her home back in Spain sometimes, and Aria also misses her home back in Italy, so to feel closer to home, they dance! They bump into each other at the hall and just… dance together. There’s no dialog or anything like that, they’re just intended to continue dancing along together in the dark.

adding these two for ~variety and such. Also, because I'm IN LOVE with how well her and Ever mesh together. XD

- f l o a t i n g -
    This is where they meet. It's intended to show Leona's curiosity a bit more, since I feel like I haven't touched on that part of her personality in the past. It's kind of a big part of her character, so why I haven't done more threads like this is.... weird.

- Pre-Party-Preparations! -
    Takes place after their meeting! They hit it off so well that they're getting ready to go crash the Ravenclaw party together. XD

Why you feel that you should move up: Well, I sort of feel that it’s about that time where I need to be reviewed again. X3 I’ve enjoyed the feedback that I’ve been given so far, and I’d like to step up my game, because I’m positive I still need improvement. As far as grammar, I think I, for the most part, am alright. I’ve noticed that I make mistakes here and there still, but I don’t think I’ve seen myself do anything toooo majorly awful. I’ve tried my best to follow the suggestions from the last two rank ups, as well as experiment a little on my own with writing styles, and… yes. I think I’m on the right track. Also, I totally know where I'm going with her. Like, overall. In case it's not known, Leona isn't aware of her bipolar disorder, so she's utterly confused about things, particularly in the top three threads, so I'm working on how she finds out about it, and after how she deals with it.

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0
HUFFLEPUFF
{ sterlona }
Kendall · 16 · 6th · Cupcake Faction - Leader · halfblood · 5'7"
Gryffindor Elite
Offline
2
3849
Awards:
Awards: 14

May 20 2012, 12:00 AM   Link Quote
Hello hello my darling! You know me, I know you, let us begin!

For those watching at home, here are the requirements for the intermediate level:

QUOTE
• At least 4 of your recent topics with at least 3 posts by your character in each. If you post additional topics to show development, they are not bound by the post requirement.

• A thread in which you use your special request (if you had one). We will evaluate the use of your request and give you tips on how to improve. If it is not being used properly, we reserve the right to revoke it at this time. This thread can count towards the topic number requirement.

• Continued variation in the people your posting with - specifically house wise (ie; not just all slytherins or gryffindors).

• The beginning, middle, or end of a long-term plot arc. Preferably a continuation from the one used in the Novice application.

• What we are looking for: By now your unique style should be more apparent and cohesive. Sentence structure should flow well and your posts should begin to have length equal to the nature of that post. Grammar, spelling, and overall post structure should have improved from your novice application. We're also looking for your character development - they should be growing into their shoes, so to speak.


So with this rank-up, we DO NOT look at profile revisions, just the posts themselves. With that - let us begin!

Honestly... I'm almost frustrated with myself because I don't really know what to tell you. I'm suddenly feeling like my English teacher back in high school who didn't want to give me a 100 on a test and would just search for ANY tiny mistake so she could dock me some points. I love your posts, I really do, and that's just... I mean... yeah. You're totally intermediate in my mind; there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. So I suppose I shall list out a bunch of things that I like and talk about it and see if I can come up with anything extra.

I loved the first post that you listed - the one where Leona is dealing with the sudden impact of the Ravenclaw girl's sadness and I just... well FIRST OF ALL, well done, my dear, because one thing that I find myself wanting in the posts of many empaths is a strong description of what it feels like when the emotion hits. Of course it's different for every empath because their sensitivity is different, but too often I've just seen descriptions of the person suddenly being [insert emotion]. Your description of it stabbing at her life a knife to the point that she actually reached up thinking that she had been hit by something was wonderfully done. So clear, so perfectly written - and that post was remarkable because your writing changed with her emotions. The beginning of the post is drastically different from the later parts when the emotion of the girl is invading Leona's mind and body, and I lovelovelove it. You actually kind of do that as it is - Happy!Leona is written differently from Sad!Leona and Angry!Leona and that makes it that much clearer for the reader and helps us truly get into her mind. That's one of the first things I really noticed about Leona and I love it because it reminds me a bit of my own writing style. Gah, I hope that's not a horribly offensive statement to you. o_o If you hate my writing, I'm sorry. I'm not saying we're exactly the same, there are just certain tendencies that I like to think we share. I LIKE to think that because I think you're awesome, so yes... I'm all like "HEY HEY CAN I BE LIKE HER?" ANYWAY... Leona and Lydia are both similar in their intense, intense emotions and I think those little shifts in the writing style that help mimic their emotional outlook at the moment can really help draw a reader in. So definitely keep working on that because I love it.

Angry!Violent!Leona was so beautifully written. I'm kind of depressed because I'm in a writing slump. I loved it. Just... yeah. Awesome.

Yodeling in Spanish? YES. (And then I have this scene in my head of Leona trying to be all seductive!I-love-you with Lydia and talking to her in Spanish and... Lydia would get bits and pieces and such, but be so flustered and just too nervous to speak a lick of Spanish.)

Your length of post is great, your grammar is wonderful, and I like your plotting a great deal. I can only imagine that Leona's bipolar-ness along with her empathy is just going to be insane (in an awesome way) and I can't wait to see what all you do with her. You've got threads with people in all houses, guys and girls, so yay for you. I think for Advanced I'd like to see some serious progress on her plot with Sterling (I'm not saying that it's behind or anything, I'd just like to see it coming to a climax of some sort... P.S. I ship them like whoa) and I'd also just like to see Leona like... way way way out of her comfort zone. Just... I don't know. Well actually... I think the plotting that you have with her and Lydia (and Lyn and so forth... Lydia, Lyn, Leona... the Ladies of the Letter 'L'... they need to start a club) will totally help you get her in that direction, so AWESOME! And you've already mentioned where she stands in terms of her knowledge (or lack thereof) her bipolar disorder, so definitely keep moving forward on that for Advanced because it will be fabulous.

So yes... there's really no question in my mind. I approve you for Intermediate! Congratulations! <333

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polaroids and glitter in our hair
-running through sprinklers and nights at the state fair-
you're my favorite
(if I had to choose)

user posted image

KENDALL IS MY HOMIE, YO. SHE'S TASTIER THAN RAINBOWS AND ALSO QUITE AWESOMESAUCE. /ninja!alice
KT · · 6th · Neutral · ·
Hufflepuff Advanced
Offline
21
2390
Awards:
Awards: 8

May 22 2012, 09:06 PM   Link Quote
    Hi, there CAT! How are you? I hope you are doing wonderfully! I am Katie (as you know) and I shall be doing your second review! Lots of threads to read through and such as we don’t look at your profile again until Elite, so let’s get started shall we? Good luck! <3

    Okay, okay. I have to agree with Kendall here. Cat, you have a delicious style – the kind that draws the reader in and makes them want to read the entire post. It is descriptive and detailed and gives us keys into how she thinks and feels and reacts to the things around her. I commend you on your fantastically rich and descriptive narrations in each of your replies! The length is fabulous and while it never is rambling and always adds rich details and never is just more writing for more writing’s sake (or hardly ever or not that I could complain about), I want to issue you a challenge.

    Perhaps this is grounded in my personal belief (something that has evolved as I’ve been around on WR longer) but I challenge you to do something a bit more “quality over quantity.” This isn’t even so much of a challenge because you don’t have quality, but I think if you challenged yourself, even just in one thread that was perhaps very high action, to only posting between 400-500 words, or even less, you would be able to hone your skill at description even more due to needing to find very specific word choice. You have a lovely, detail rich style. Every member of the review team feels slightly different about this, but I want to see the range. I want to see a member dropping in 1000+ word posts, 300 word posts, 700 words posts, maybe even all within the same thread and certainly within the same application. Don’t see this as a negative reflection on your performance thus far but I just wanted to add to what Kendall said and also give you something new to really try to improve your writing.

    The different emotions you give Leona throughout the entirety of this application is interesting and realistic and intense. I can feel what she feels and as someone who struggles writing empath ability (with Max) I understand the struggles that go into that and am envious you make it appear so easy. And lakjglajglakjglakgjalkg the kitten and Sterling and just GAH. It’s ALLLLLL so cute! I love it! You have some seriously awesome threads and writings and just… wow. You rock. You have a distinct style that shines through in your posts and you are well equipped in knowing your character. (: You tackle some incredibly delicate issues (such as bi-polar disorder) with the soft hand of finesse. It doesn’t feel fake or forced or any of those things. For advanced, a few things I’d like to see:
    • More with Sterling. Sort of intuitive, but yeah. Just more.
    • Discovering more about her bi-polar, treatment, etc.
    • Something in the Post-A-Thon (short post) style.

    And so finally, if it wasn’t obvious by now, I approve you for intermediate! YAY! Congrats, m’dear! Please message me if you have any questions!

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if you're in love
( then you are the lucky one )


Donald · 18 · Seventh · AEGIS · ·
Hufflepuff Advanced
Offline
11
1052
Awards:
Awards: 7

May 24 2012, 11:20 PM   Link Quote
C-C-C-C-CATTTTTTT.
Hi.

I'm donald. bla bla bla here's my intro to say imma review you OKAY

Sooo as you know I'm pretty into Leona and whatnot since Sterling's like, in love with her and whatnot. So, that, combined with being third reviewer means this is going to be short and sweet. Your posts are always good, I love how you pull all sorts of things to talk about with Leona and explain the reason she's doing things. You have a way with words that describes things about Leona and the people you're threading with that I love (especially when it comes to Sterling because it's usually hilarious stuff). So I'm going to say that overall your posting style is fantastic and you've clearly thought Leona through and know where you want her to go.

Post length scares me sometimes because it's a lot to read and reply to, but you've got a way of making it easy. I take forever to do Sterling's replies but when I do sit down to do them, they flow nicely because I have such a great post to respond to. Grammar is great as well, a few little things here and there like a missed word or whatever, but that's a common mistake that everyone makes. Nothing to fret over TOO much. :3

Overall, I love Leona and how your write her. She's fun to read and even more fun to thread with because I never know what you're going to throw back at me. :3

Now, the suggesting part or whatever. :|

I like what KT has suggested. Your posts are great length and quality, but they scare me sometimes. Try limiting yourself to getting a post out in a certain amount of words. It will improve your posts exactly 64.432% and make them that much better.

I told Steph this in her review, going third sucks because everything I want to say is already said. Anyway, we've talked a bit on Skype and stuff about how Leona is going to grow and how others will play their roles in that. I'm excited to see everything as it comes out especially the sterlona stuff. SO YEAH. I approve you for Intermediate. UP YOU GOOOOOOOOOO~

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HUFFLEPUFFBEATER
no sky so high that we can't send you back home. —
07
Hastings


you got something i need
And if you only die once I wanna die with You got something I need In this world full of people there's one killing me And if we only die once I wanna die with you You got something I need In this world full of people there's one killing me And if we only die once I wanna die with you------
Cat · 17 · 7th · Neutral · Taken · 5'4"
Hufflepuff Advanced
Offline
27
4014
Awards:
Awards: 19

Jan 25 2013, 10:37 PM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Advanced

At least FIVE of your recent role play topics:

*meets requirements

--- important bits ---
  1. all it takes is a [KISS]mega thread
      → So here it all begins, in the infamous spin-the-bottle detention thread that so many people were involved in. Funny thing about this was that Leona nearly wasn't apart of it. It'd come up whenever I was busy with school stuff, but it sounded so fun that I thought, what the heck, and threw her in. This went on for awhile, but it basically ended in such a way that it led me into her Empathy arc quite nicely. You can't really see it in the beginning posts, or possibly not even in the latter ones, but towards the end she hears Isolde mention a strange sensation that she undergoes when touching other people and that makes Leona get to thinking that she has the same thing. Um, so that falls into place awesomely. Aside from this leading her to follow her Empathy storyline, the majority of the posts here were meant to show off her Empathy screwing with her head. I think and hope I did a much better job at doing that with this thread than with the one on the previous app. | my posts since it's such a huge thread: one, two, three, four, five.

  2. strengthen your lyre [and sing]Max
      → It's a bit after that horrible detention session and Leona is on her way to the Hospital Wing, hoping to tell someone there about the possibility of her being 'sick' with some kind of wizard-cold. Max sort of stumbles upon her and plants the idea in her head that she might be an Empath, or something of the sort. *Important here: Henceforth, Leona is 'aware' of her Empathy, because she does know where the library is and actually does want help with whatever "sickness" she might have, so she surely goes off to research it. But only a bit because this is Leona and Leona never is serious about anything. Not enough to act QUICKLY to it, anyway.

  3. I never guessOwl to Sterling
      → Just to show a bit of sterlona interaction, some leona silliness, and to let it be known throughout all of wurr that she finally realizes Mouse is a rat and not a mouse~ I'd to note here that this a good example of what she does. :I Whenever something is brought up in her life that might be difficult to figure out -- i.e, her possible Empath ability -- she distracts herself. And she continues to think about other things until she can't find anything else to get involved with.

  4. i love you dearly, i promiseSterling
      → So it's Halloween and Leona and Sterling have collected their own amounts of candy. Leona has more, yields to her more selfish side because candy, and tries to trick Sterling into giving her all his candy, or... at least taking whatever good bits he has. Spoiler!Alert: This fails. :I Also, this is where their relationship starts to get a bit bumpy. Flirting playfully has come to be normal between her and Sterling, but at the end, her Empathy picking up on his feelings too kind of influence Leona more than she expected aaaand they cause her to act on them. Which leads to a kiss that at first felt right and wonderful, but went a bit wrong when she picked up on his feelings. She kind of tries to brush it off because she doesn't to lose him. :I

  5. until their hearts give outJeremiah
      → Leona sort of... dumps all of the issues she's been having on Professor Novia. :I She's exhausted from no sleep, so she's not at her best right now... And that's mainly the reason why she even utters a word to him. Because well-rested, fully functioning Leona wouldn't dare say a thing about her personal issues, particularly to a guy she vaguely remembers from school.

  6. there isn't a place to goOwl to Sterling
      → An owl between Leona and Sterling. :I Plus little snippets of what they're thinking/feeling while writing each other back and forth. Leads into the following threads. Aside from that, this is where we get to see their relationship heading downhill a bit. Their brief conversation is upsetting enough to Leona to make her leave her room after a bit, and, as I said, lead her into the following threads.

  7. and now you wish that you meant something to somebody elseLeo
      → Leona with the infamous Leo Hartman~ She thinks that she's got problems, but she's stumbled in on Leo dealing with his problems, and those pretty much trump whatever she's got going on at the moment. It's interesting not just because the intricacy that is Leo, but also because this is the first time she's kind of used her Empathy for good? She wants to leave, because she can't handle Leo's feels on top of her own, but her inherent caring nature can't really allow herself to just get up and go when she knows he's feeling so rotten.

  8. glitter woes.Sterling
      → Right after the letter, Leona goes off on a walk. Leo happens, and now after that, she's gone back indoors to shake off his feels and just, like... hang out, I guess. She intends to be left alone, but Sterling eventually finds her. Her little secret slips out and she heads off to go back to her room because she doesn't want to talk about it with Sterling. They're, however, lost.... :I and she finds out quickly that she's got a bit longer with him before she can get away. But Sterling is sweet and kind of mends things a little. She's still confused on how she should feel about him, but she's happy to have a friend who seems to care enough to stick with her through this whole thing.


    --- random bits ---


  9. //m e d d l e s o m eHarry
      → Leona stumbles upon Harry and learns that someone named 'AL' has a crush on her friend Fiooona. :3 They have a bit of fun with potion-making~ And, um, yes. ^-^ Normally happy Leona here. One of the last few threads where she's all sunshine and rainbows. Also, this the first thread where I got to write her with Mouse! <3 (pre-empathy-discovery)

  10. for the newts!Rick
      → Crisis! At the Greenhouse. Leona finds a Salamander and tries to take care of it when Riiick comes to help her. Not too much to say here, it's just a little bit of a silly/fun thread between good friends. (pre-empathy-discovery)

  11. accidentally on purposeIsolde & Jackson
      → Leona sticking her nose in other people's business... This takes place waaay before the above threads, like... A very short while after the spin the bottle thread, just before she actually sits down to read up on Empaths and such. You'll see her think vaguely about things she's supposed to do, or should do, but it's Leona before things get messed up for her, so she's like "Meh. Later." (post-empathy-discovery)

  12. but don't confide in my smileClass
      → I can't remember if I've ever shown Leona in a class.... so here she is. Um, enjoy her suffering. (post-empathy-discovery)

  13. it's hard to manageNiall
      → Niall is Leona's go-to person when she's feeling rotten. He's a nice person who is willing to brew her calming potions when she needs it. ; ~; Also, he must have been the first person to know of her Empathy. Considering I imagine she'd have caved shortly after finding out about it and just... gone to someone for general help. Not so much talking through it. She's not really all for that - not normally. I have to set her up to get that result >_< But for medical help... Yeah. She's not so dumb that she wouldn't go for that kind of help. I think the last thing to say here is that... Leona's... funny, here. Not haha funny, but I've always been interested in how she handles herself when it comes to getting help. It's a bit complex in my head. She seems to be fine with it whenever it's something insignificant, like asking for help to open something, or for help on a simple spell she's just forgotten or doesn't care for. But this here is something she needs, and that changes everything for her. She's ashamed to ask for the potions, embarrassed that she can't brew it well herself... :I Yeah. She's just a bit funny about it all to me. (post-empathy-discovery)

  14. here's to the crazy ones.Wesley
      → So for this thread, I imagine it taking place fairly soonish after glitter woes. It's to show that my old, happy Leona is still here. She's just dealing with things right now that make it hard for her to be as people might expect her to be. She's not explicitly happy here. >-> I mean, she's out wandering in the cold by herself. But towards the end there, you see a glimpse of that easily wonder-struck badger that used to pop up everywhere. :'3 It's rather hopeful for the both of us. (post-empathy-discovery)


    --- clash bits ---


    Just a few Clash threads here to show an older Leona. These bunch are specifically dealing with the passing of James ; ~; Summaries for these are rather short, but that's mainly because I don't focus too much on no-fun-old-hag adult Leona. But I DO adore these few threads, so they're here for a bit of show-offy purposes since I personally feel like upset!Leona produces my best posts.

  15. only once a yearClash!James
      → Leona has brought James to celebrate one of her favorite festivals like ever. :I

  16. daisies were bloomingClash!Fiona
      → Heartbroken Leona is devastated that her good friend James is gone. ; -; Fi is a wonderful person and consoles her. <3

  17. Life’s but a walking shadowClash!group
      → ; ~; Funeral…


What are your three biggest RPing tips for any member?
  1. A time for everything~:
      This might be a hard thing to try out for some, but if you have a pretty solid idea of your daily schedule, I suggest dedicating a 'writing time' that you try to stick to in order to help you get in the groove of, like, actually getting things written. Many times I'll come and sit down and try to get something written, and sometimes it works! But most times, it doesn't. X3 I got into this pattern of writing in the evenings, and I've been sticking to that for the most part because for me and my schedule, the late evenings is when I have time to write. I think that doing this for as long as I have been, my mind has sort of been trained to recognize night time as being write time. It's something I've noticed with myself. I'll do a lot of my posts in this specific time period or I'll get the most inspiration to freewrite or piece together plot ideas. I don't know if this is a load of fluff or if there's actually something awesome here, but since I've noticed this little phenomena and have seen how it works for me, I definitely suggest others to try and find a time where you can just write! Um, but, like with most things, it may take time before you notice yourself actually getting inspired to write during this 'write time', so... patience is key with this tip. ^-^

  2. Fangurlin'/boyin':
      I think it's safe to say that many people agree that the best way to get to know their character is by writing them. While threading with many people is the possibly obvious thing to do here, I suggest people to really take advantage of the fanfic portion of the site, or of at least considering writing your own fanfics and keeping them... wherever. This doesn't help much with developing your style or of helping you learn how to weave your own writing with that of others to make for an awesome story, but I think it does help with a couple of important things. A. I think it can be a good outlet to get scenes out that you may not necessarily want to thread out with another person, or, ones that maybe just work better on their own. B. Doing these 'scenes' can help you understand your character better, depending on what you do. For example, family is an important thing to many of my characters--Leona included--and so I use some of my time writing them with their families. I also have done things toying with my characters parents, because I feel that if I understand their parents more, I can better understand where my characters get certain quirks from. I also am a fan of writing out kid!versions of my characters because childhood events mold a person just as much as events in their current, Hogwarts-time. Really, I think fanfics are just awesome. I enjoy reading what other people are doing with their characters in their own fanfics, and I enjoy what I learn and get to play out in my own. Again, it's definitely not meant to be a replacement from actually RPing with other people, but it's useful on some levels and totes fun. :3 Super totes fun.

  3. Feels:
      So everywhere you'll see people say descriptions, descriptions, descriptions! Or in most places, you will. I don't wanna go back and comment too much on this because embarrassment, but it's been mentioned in past reviews that I have a fairly decent grasp of descriptions. I, um, am not really sure what to say for this, but... I suppose we all just have our strengths and our weaknesses. I think that I'm decent with describing things because I'm one of those peeps that likes to notice things. When I'm at a store, I go out of my way to touch things to see how they feel. I'll hold things in my hands, examine their colors, their shapes, and pay attention to how they feel and make me feel because... I dunno. It's just sort of something that I do by instinct. So... when I sit down to write, it's a bit easy to think back and remember what certain things feel like or smell like or remember how they made me feel or what sorts of things they made me think of or remember because... .-. I have rather easy access to all this information to go off on. For some people who are able to do this or care enough to, I suggest trying to pay attention more to your surroundings. Maybe not just for writing purposes, but for, um, yourself as well? Because these things are really pretty interesting... But, that might just be me and my own opinions again. Hm. It is said a lot that being more aware of your surroundings is a good thing though, so... yes. :I Something to consider when you're out and about, and maybe, possibly, it might help in describing things when you write.

      For others who maybe don't care as much or find that it's hard to pay attention more to these things that may be meaningless to you, I suggest trying to get out of character a bit while writing. Like, Leona is an artist, so she has a little bit of natural awareness to her surroundings and stuff, but she's scatter-brained and easily distracted, so I can't rely on her to notice everything. In times where she's distracted, I try to 'get outside of her' and describe things happening around her. These may not be things that she consciously notices, but it's things that she can see or hear or get a quick whiff of. Again, maybe they aren't things that will cause her to react in any other way but slightly noticing them, but I incorporate them nonetheless because setting up the scene in a post makes said post interesting and helps me add in those 'descriptions, descriptions, descriptions!' that people want to see. If that doesn't make any sense, I guess it could be compared to those moments where you're walking somewhere--maybe a store. You're there for your reasons, maybe you're in a hurry, so you go in and immediately head off to the section that you need to be in. On your way there, you kind of unconsciously notice things that mean nothing else to you but random things to see. Like maybe someone is shouting at someone else and you turn to look and think, 'daaaang, someone's pissed,' and you head off again on your way. Or maybe you just look and think nothing. Or maybe you don't look at all because you don't care~ Either way, your ears aren't mute to shouting. You hear it--assuming you aren't deaf, of course--and how you react to it is all you after. So. Things like that can be done in posts to help with adding those juicy details that people love to read.

      Bah. That was a lot of stuff. I guess the main thing here is: when it comes to descriptions, try not to get too caught up in thinking of things that your character would have a 'solid' reaction to. You can include things they don't notice, or maybe don't even react much to, because even those little details can serve a purpose if chosen and worded carefully enough.


Why you feel that you should move up:
    :I This is always a hard question. 'Why do you deserve this,' is sort of how I read it myself, and that just... it's just difficult for me to justify anything that I think I deserve. I guess the best explanation that I can put up here is that I've worked at this RPing bitness, taking in what others have told me and experimenting on my own to see where I fit in in the world of writing. For the moment, I'm in a comfortable place. I know what I'm good at here and I know what I aim to do with Leona, even more clearer now than before. I'm not clear on what else to try to continue to improve, but I guess that's what this is for. ;3

    Erm, now for a bit of comments on her Empathy, since this is mainly what this specific app is about. The first thing I have to say is, holy cow. .__. I feel like a dummy. And it's only because I can recall rather clearly that very first thread of mine that I did that dealt with her Empathy (posted on the last app). I have done much research on Empaths, read stories from others who claim to be ones in real life, and there is so much more to it than what the Harry Potter universe says of it. Or, well, the capabilities of it reach much farther outside of it at least. Still, I feel a lot of what I've researched on it holds true to Empaths in this sort of world. There are emotional things (obviously), but also a lot of physical things that helped me make sense of why it affects her so strongly. Empathic abilities not only give insight into the emotions of other people, but can also, almost literally, put the Empath into another person's shoes entirely. They can feel the physical pain of whoever they're around, and if the sensations are strong enough, this pain can last. .__. It can last for awhile. One site in particular explained how it kind of works rather well to me, too. Basically, Leona being the inexperienced Empath that she is, her ability is occasionally "off." She's got no control over it at all, so when it's 'off', it's off, hence her rather easy ability to carry on as that overly joyous puff that many know her to be. But then, other times, it's 'On' - triggered by some force or some reason; it's really rather random. The times that it has be 'on' in her life, she's believed it to be her body acting up; that weird thing about her that causes her emotions to fly from one end of the spectrum to another, and because her bipolar disorder does the same while she's suffering from an episode, she's just learned to keep away from everyone while it's affecting her. So it's messed with her time and again, and now that she's aware of its existence, she believes that it is the only thing that's been wrong with her, and she's very upset at that. Pah, I feel a bit bad since that's not the only thing affecting her (she doesn't know of her bipolar disorder yet) but... it is what it is. Anyway, she's struggling with being angry at having this power, though she doesn't know who to be angry at, so there's a lot of confusion as well. And there's hopelessness. And shame at her not being able to "fix" herself or provide for herself the kind of help that she needs. She's just... lost. Very lost. And it's just rather sad for me... and for her. Because Leona's deepest and sole desire in life has always just been for her to be happy. She's worked so hard her entire life to achieve that. She knows this. I know this as her writer. And...along the way, shes always been held back a bit from her disorder and her special power. She's not aware of her disorder yet, but looking back on her life and those bumps she had to deal with along the way, and then connecting all that to this ability... :\ It just depresses her. Right now, the only light in her life is Sterling because he's incredibly sweet to her. ; -; Even he isn't enough to bring my badger out of her depressive state though, so this sad!Leona is just who she is at the moment. My Leona--my real, originally happy and wacky one--is inside somewhere. It's just going to take a bit of work to get her back out again.


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Steph · 18 · 7th · Dead · Single · 5 ft. 11 in.
Gryffindor Intermediate
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Jan 30 2013, 11:25 AM   Link Quote
Hullo Cat! I’ll be your first reviewer. Before we get started, I’m just going to put up the requirements for Advanced:
QUOTE
Advanced

• At least 5 of your recent topics with at least 4 posts by your character in each. If you post additional topics to show development, they are not bound by the post requirement.

• A group thread with at least 2 characters aside from your own and at least 2 posts by your character. This thread should count towards your topic number requirement.

• The beginning, middle, or end of a plot arc that spans over multiple threads. These can be continuations of previous plot arcs presented in past applications.

• What we are looking for: Your grammar, spelling, and sentence structure should have minimal to no errors. Your posts should flow and be easy to read. A style all your own should have fully emerged and be apparent and consistent in a majority of your posts. Your character should have more depth in comparison to your intermediate application. We should see more of what is going on inside your character's mind (inner dialogue, reactions to environment, etc). We will also be looking at your special request to give you tips on how to improve further.


And there we go! Since there’s no profile revision for this rank, I’m just going to jump right into the posts!

So, while trying to decide where to begin with this review, I settled on the things that your reviewers asked to see last time. Seems like a good place to start, yes? So, I remembered that the one thing that really stuck out to me when I stalked read through the reviews for your Intermediate app was Katie’s suggestion to try writing shorter posts. It sounds like kind of a funny suggestion, since I think posts that are “too short” are a lot more common than posts that are “too long.” Relatively speaking, of course, since length is really less important than the overall quality of a post. That said, I have seen you take up the challenge of condensing things, not just on Leona but across the board, and I feel like I should applaud you for this. Again, like I said, it seems weird to be saying this, but I feel like showing that you can vary things this way shows that you are adaptable as a writer, and I think that adaptability is as important as anything else we want to see from people in the ranking system. Every thread is different, every thread requires you to adjust to something new and different. The length of a post, I think can also set the tone for a thread. For instance, epic long posts can be for big emotional threads; short, more concise posts can be for the more action-filled threads. Granted, this doesn’t always hold true—or even hold true for the full duration of a thread. Still, I think they can be used this way, and I got the sense of this from your posts. For instance, in the spin the bottle thread, there’s a lot going on, and rather quickly, so it makes sense that posts are shorter. In, say, the Clash thread with Fi, it’s more emotionally charged, so it makes sense that things are longer.

Obviously, like I said, there’s hardly a standard length-wise, and quality matters more than quantity. But I wanted to point it out because I have seen the effort to vary things, and I like the adaptability that that shows.

As far as post content goes, I think you’re very much on the right track. Having threaded with you since nearly the beginning of your time writing Leona on WURR (I went back to old!wurr to find our first leofi thread,) I’ve watched your writing evolve, and I’ve watched Leona evolve. Something that has stuck out to me for a while is the way you describe the things that are going on in the thread. We talk about responding to the environment, and as far as I am concerned you have had this down for a long time. I did want to say, though, something that I’ve noticed. When I read your posts, and especially the more descriptive ones, I am reminded of the fact that Leona is an artist, and I feel like the way you write her and her reactions to her environment reflect that. I think that you take that piece of writing and make it your own. That goes with most or all aspects that we look at here, including Leona’s Empathy. I like the way you seem to be working that out, and I am interested to see how that continues to progress. I like that you’ve put a lot of thought and research into this, and I think that it shows.

As for your suggestions… I feel almost like I’ve responded to #3 already. But yes, I like what you say here, especially with describing things that a character won’t necessarily be conscious of, but are still happening, and they are still aware of in some way. I think that’s helpful for those of us who are… less observant, perhaps… or whose characters are less observant. And also for those who aren’t, as a way to vary things. The theme of this review seems to be “adaptability.”

Phew. So. All of that said, I APPROVE you for Advanced! Looking ahead to Elite, I encourage you to keep expanding and adapting. That seems vague, but your writing style is, I think, so clear and prominent, it’s important that it is also able to bend and change as you go along. Elite is the end of the road, so to speak, for the ranking system, but it isn’t necessarily that for a character, and I think that it’s important for us to see that you as a writer and Leona as a character will continue to evolve as you go along. As far as this review is concerned, I think you’re more than capable of this and well on your way.

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Jinx is perfection.

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5/6/15
Kelsey · · SEVENTH · NEUTRAL · ·
Gryffindor Novice
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Feb 1 2013, 12:11 AM   Link Quote
HI CAT. I SHALL BE YOUR SECOND REVIEWER TODAY. *coughs* Dunno why I felt the need to yell that, but... it worked... *shrugs* Before I get started with the interesting stuff (the review), Since the lovely Steph has already posted the requirements for your application, we can get on with the show review!

For starters, though I’ve never personally had the pleasure of plotting with you, I think that you and Leona are fantastic. You clearly have a very, very good grasp on who she is as a person, and you incorporate everything into your posts flawlessly, whether it be in setting the scene, describing the physical aspects, or delving into the mental depths of Leona as a person. I love, in particular, one of the first moments from one of the snippets, when you describe the “dull ache” in Leona’s jaw that comes from eating too much candy, then relate the massive intake of sugar to how she’s doing mentally and emotionally. It seems like a rather simple thing to incorporate into a post, but it really ties her physical actions to her mentality in a way that is, in my opinion, rather unobtrusive. As I continue to read through your threads, I see this kind of thing constantly, which is really encouraging, and honestly, I hope to be able to make those sorts of connections flow as seamlessly as you seem to. Not only that, but your writing clearly has an essence that just screams “CAT!” It’s full of details and great material for whoever your writing with to respond to, but you do it in such a way that draws the reader in and just... keeps them reading, even if they don’t fully understand what’s gone on in the posts before it. You cause your reader to feel what Leona is feeling. The different emotions that Leona struggles through - be it sad, happy, excited, nervous, angry - all of them can be felt in your writing, just by your narrations. And that, my dear, is talent.

Like Steph, I also stalked the posts of your last reviewers, just to kind of give myself an idea of where you were at the last time you applied for ranking. One of the things that I, in particular, look for as a reviewer is to see that you’ve tried to improve on the areas that your previous reviewers asked for. With Katie asking you to try to vary your post lengths as a sort of challenge to yourself, I’ll admit, I balked at that a bit when I read it. But, looking now, I can see her point. There are times when long, flowery narration is needed, and then there are times when shorter, more to the point posts are better. That’s not to say that they shouldn’t be detailed, of course. I was so very glad to see that you’ve begun to do this. You’ve also done it well, not skimping on the quality of the post, and still managing to maintain the same voice that you’ve previously established in your writing. Kudos to you, madam!

As for your tips, I really, really like the second one. I’ve been prone to doing this myself, lately, and find that it really helps me understand Aeryn in a much clearer way. Even if it’s simply trying to figure out how he would react in a certain situation or learning to write a particular nuance of his, writing small snippets or fanfics on my own, I’ve learned is a great way for me to discover new ways to write Aeryn, and I, too, would encourage everyone to do so, as well. It’s a great tool, and it’s also good for that little bit of muse you have that may not have a direct outlet.

All in all, I APPROVE Leona for ADVANCED. For your Elite app, I’d say the same thing that Steph did - just... keep on keepin’ on. Continue to delve into Leona’s psyche as she deals with being an empath. Keep showing us how she feels, what she thinks, how she reacts. It’s vague, I know, but I really feel like you’ve developed Leona to a point that all you can do is just continue to expand her - and your - horizons. You say that she doesn’t know of her bipolar disorder YET, so I assume you’ve got some sort of idea - or plan to come up with one - on how she reacts or realizes it, and that’s definitely something I’d like to see as a part of your Elite application, because I feel like that, in combination with her Empath abilities will make for an interesting few threads. But yes. Congratulations, m’dear! Happy writing!

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I was born on Wurr
June 11, 2012
Arkei · · Fourth · Neutral · ·
Ravenclaw Advanced
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Feb 7 2013, 08:33 PM   Link Quote
ASDFASDF CAT. I am so nervous to be your third reviewer, but bear with me! I will try to comment as best I can! You've given me so much to work with biggrin.gif

Overall, I agree with absolutely everything your previous two reviewers have said. You have a solid, solid grasp on all of Leona's quirks and nuances. You have plotted with a wide variety of people. You successfully implemented all the suggestions from your past reviews, and you are extremely accomplished at keeping a consistent, believable style. Your reasons for moving up are spot-on and very reflective, so thanks for making our job easier!

Of all the posts you put up, I ADORE the starter for "strengthen your lyre [and sing]". You put so much emotion in your posts just the way you describe the scene from Leona's point of view. The tempo is just frenetic enough, and the words kind of push the emotion along. This kind of thing exemplifies everything you have mentioned in your tips, which are all extremely helpful. It's echoed in the thread with Leo, as well.

I like that you included the owl threads so that we can see a connection between some of your plot elements that wouldn't otherwise be spelled out. The only thing I can think of to include for Elite would be to expand the "off-camera" thread idea between Leona and Sterling, to include other characters. Maybe one of these owls finds Leona while you are playing her outside in an unrelated thread, and Leona writes a message back which unintentionally colors her mood in that thread. Or something. I'm not explaining it very well, but you get the idea?

The only other suggestion I have for things to add to your posts is as follows: Tell me about memories Leona has from childhood. Maybe the light hits something just right that reminds her of a frightening duel held in that hallway, or maybe a certain smell reminds her of a fond memory. That sort of thing.

I really like the emotion in the Clash threads. I'd like to see more of this in her present threads, which I think you alluded to in your application. If you need a level-headed character to play her against in the throes of bipolar stuff, Sian needs some emotional threads before I get her to Advanced, so drop me a line.

All that said... I approve Leona for Advanced, and I can't wait to see her progress even further as you both grow together.

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