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 Martín Marzán - Novice, May 18th
Stells Artois · 16 · 6th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'11
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Apr 4 2017, 01:00 AM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Beginner
Link to character workshop topic: Wow Stells actually took her time to write something
At least two of your recent role play topics:

Viva la vida - In which Mars just transferred to Hogwarts and hates everything, but Tori makes it all better because they are wonderful cousins who love each others lots. There's contrast between his opinions on the Marzán family and his opinions on his cousins. Sun and moon metaphors which make me a very happy Stells. I just really really love this thread, okay? ;-;

We will touch the divine through kissed catharsis - Okay so there's only one post in this thread, but there's a lot of mythology metaphors that i'm kind of proud of okay sue me. There's a party at the Marzán home and the Deschamps are invited, Martín is not too pleased to be there and there's lots of explanations of Marzán family dynamics.

I told u homeboy [u can't touch this] - Mars and Felicia are pretending to date in order to upset their families, but Mars is still Mars and he gets around all too often. Of course, his N°1 enemy has a few things to say about this, and Felton goes confront Martín. Honestly, this thread just makes me laugh a lot and that's why it's here. Also because it shows Martín terrible arrogance and vanity.

We'll find beauty in the pleasures of the beast - Whats better than Martín and Florentin on the daily basis? Well, them with fairy wings, all thanks to one wonderful DADA class. I feel like there's a lot about Martín's personality here, from his vanity and flirtatiousness to the reasons he misses Beauxbatons and his opinions on friendship and family.

Commentary: Okay so Martín is super easy to write for me, I have a lot of fun with him and with the metaphors, expressing his voice as a character and what not, but I would like to know how I'm doing <3 I do also have some terrible future plans for him!
I would really like some feedback because if I'm being 100% honest here...I'm awfully insecure about my writing, which is likely why I took this time to actually rank him instead of doing it right away. I don't know what else to say please be merciful

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Tine · 16 · 6th · neutral · Pureblood · 5'7
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Apr 5 2017, 11:43 AM   Link Quote
Hello Stells, I think you know who I am and I will be your first reviewer today. Welcome to the review system, I’ll run you through the requirements before we get started!

QUOTE
  • At least 4 posts by your character over 2 threads. Your most recent post must be made within three months of the date of your application.
  • Have your character profile in the workshop with at least one revision of each section posted by you. (If you choose not to include an appearance section at sorting, you must include it when you post your workshop profile, and then provide a subsequent revision for this rank).
  • At the beginner rank, we are focused on building up your character. We will give you suggestions on how to expand your profiles and posts, particularly in regards to content, in order to gain as complete a picture of your character as possible. We're looking for a general grasp of grammar (punctuation, paragraphs, apostrophes, etc.) and spelling, and that you follow the rules by giving us at least five lines per post. Additionally, we'd like to see that you have made an effort to expand all areas of the profile (i.e. not just personality or not just history).



That looks good so far! I will be focusing on your posts today, but I will also drop in a few comments about your profile first, while you will get more detailed advice from your second reviewer. Now, let’s get this started :3

First of all I have to say that I really love the tone you chose for the appearance and how you thought of those things like his accent and his scents which people at this stage often forget. I think the God metaphor transfers really well to this one, and it’s just so nicely written and yet informative that I am really content with it. Now that I don’t have to bitch about the style I am of course really sad - just kidding. If you want to go for further ranks with our divine child, you could expand on the variety of his expressions. You talk about the way he walks and moves, but how does his face change when he is sad or angry? Does he still look perfect when he just woke up? What are his flaws, where do these scars you talk about come from? What colour does his clothing have? Those are just small things to expand on, and some ideas you might want to consider.

Just give me war flashbacks to my Greek Mythology class with these quotes. Nevermind, I think this is really pretty and just fits Mars, so kudos for leaving this in from his original app c:

QUOTE
. There’s melody to Martín Marzán, even if he’s no particularly amazing singer (though he’s definitely quite decent), but his laugh is like a song and his words are like poetry, all coming from the deepest and most honest parts of the heart.


Let me leave this here, because it is beautiful. Okay moving onto the personality I love that you kept the poetic tone, but I also think that you need to be careful not to cover the information with too much poetry, if you know what I mean? The God metaphors are really pretty and fitting, but you need to be careful to make sure that you are talking about Mars and not about the Gods more than the boy. So far I think you are on the edge of it and it still works, but I also feel like you are keeping a better balance in your posts of this God-Mars difference. Just something to keep in mind :3 As for further edits, you should ask yourself more about the why behind Mars’ behaviour, why he likes those things he loves and why he opposes his family I typo’d this as pooped, now that was awkward.

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In the end, they were all bound together by the strings of destiny: the manipulative monarch, the frail princess, the foolish husband, and the golden son. All characters in their very own greek tragedy, one that reached an stasima once one of the characters disappeared… or three of them.


I love this. I really like this history and all I can say is expand, expand, expand - especially on his Hogwarts time! Think of amazing and shaping moments of his magical life such as getting a wand, receiving his letter, etc. Give us more childhood memories of Martín! Okay those were my few thoughts on your profile, because I am here for your posts.

Characterisation: So I can definitely say that when reading his posts, I recognise the Martín you described in your profile, too, which is awesome! I really like the tiny bits of his past, the lines of Spanish and French and especially the references towards Greek and Roman mythology, such as these:

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It was love, Philia, the kind of love he had for only a few members of his family and some of his dear close friends, a love strong and with no conditions, that drove the boy to want to do anything for the happiness of those few treasured people.


QUOTE
Because that day he was not Mars, dignified guardian and Pater of all Romans, but Ares - a god respected yet feared, a force too dangerous, too overwhelming, and too insatiably bloodthirsty to be a rolemodel for the Greek people.


Mars already has a very unique voice so when I see a post I can just say yes, this is Martín, as he is definitely different from your own characters, and other characters in general. You are really doing an amazing job on him, and I enjoy reading Mars a lot.

General: You are very aware of Martín was a person and give us a lot of insight of what is going on in his head, and also how he sees the people he is interacting with, but I think you can do this even more and give us glimpses of how he sees his environment - just like in the We’ll find beauty… thread, where you describe how Florentin is looking for him and how the flowers smell. Structures, colours and scents help a lot when describing an environment, and my tipp in general is always to work your own experience in. If you ever touched sand, you know how it feels between your fingers - so you can describe it as such!

There is a great amount of details in your posts, and you always react towards your partners and give them plenty back, as well. Here’s an example of the detail I mean:

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A single piece of jewelry hang from his neck, thin chain carrying a golden ring which was all too small for his perfect fingers, because such ring did not belong to him but to one that was long gone, always being carried within his person as a memento of the mother he did not remember. The tie? It had long ago been discarded, now wrapped around his wrist as if nothing but a bracelet, for the sole purpose of not losing it.


This just gives away so much about Martín, and it is truly beautiful. But just like in your profile, you need to take care that you keep talking about Mars as a person and not generalize him as a God, if you know what I mean? You can talk about Gods in general, but how is Martín distinctively divine? What does him make a God?

Another thing that came to me while reading was that when you write, do you write as an all-knowing narrator or are those Martín’s thoughts? Does he see himself as a thing divine, or is it your view? I sometimes feel like these perspectives are meddling - which is not bad, but if you want to play with it you can try to make clearer which are Martín’s thoughts and which are yours :3

There are no screaming grammar mistakes, I just sometimes felt like there was a short word or a letter missing, which can easily be fixed by reading over it a second time before posting - believe me, I make 100 typos so I am not going to call you out on it. It’s more things like this:

QUOTE
She was considered, tender, kindhearted, and her intentions were always true.

-> I think you meant considerate? This is something that happens to me a lot so this is why you found me poking you for it because it is such a non-native thing to do - nothing bad here, and if I did not find it, it’s because I am not a native speaker either.

I already liked the variety you offered, so now we come to what I want you to do for future rankings: Keep your length upright and your variety, because you are already doing a great job on it. Throw Martín at authorities, give him small children to deal with, toss him out of his comfort zone - I want to see angry, said, shattered Martín now that I saw his sunshiny side, give me the angst, Stells.

Verdict: I feel like this was as short and painless as it could have been, so I will APPROVE you and @Martín Marzán for BEGINNER, congrats and good luck with your second review! If you have any questions towards the things I said, feel free to find me <3

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Qi · 16 · 5th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'10
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Apr 17 2017, 03:49 PM   Link Quote
Hi Stells. Tis I, your worst nightmare. Just kidding I'm here with your second review, and I'm sorry that this took a little longer than I expected it to. Tine has already gone through all the requirements necessary for beginner, which means that I can jump right in and start looking at your profile!

Is 5'11 now standard height for guys? Man I'm out of the loop. I love the appearance section. There's such nice, vivid imagery that's injected into your words, and you clearly have a great picture in your mind of what Martín is like. I really appreciate that you show more than tell, because it's obviously really easy to make the appearance little more than a laundry list of physical traits. All the things I wanted to suggest have already been said (-shakes small fist at Tine-) so I can do little more than echo them and tell you to try and expand on his expressions. Because you're doing great on everything else.

Now, on to personality:

QUOTE

Had he been born in Ancient Greece, epic poems would have surely been written about him.


Honestly, this is such a great opener. You get a gold star. I also really appreciate these god metaphors that Tine has already mentioned, and I love the way that you interweave all the aspects of his personality together under this common motif. I'd honestly like to know more about his feelings for his family really, because you spend the previous 3 or 4 paragraphs describing all these aspects about him, and then you bring in the contrast and the contrast is...disappointingly short. Don't get me wrong. I love it, but I want more.There's got to be a little nuance to his feelings toward his family and his fate because, the way it's currently portrayed, it's very black and white. Also you use the phrase he "fools himself", and I'd really like to know more about that. Because obviously there's the Mars that everyone knows, and the Mars that he refuses to acknowledge in himself.

The history is great, but I'm going to echo what Tine said and demand more from his school days. You cover a lot of ground with his early childhood but I definitely want to know more about his experiences at Beauxbatons. What was everything like before he lost it and got expelled? You can freely make up some experiences when he was there, because I think it's important that you weave some little stories into your narrative that illustrate what you've already said so well in your appearance and personality sections. Also as time goes on, I hope you expand on the Hogwarts section too. (Obviously you might not have much to add now because well, the plots are still ongoing, but I'd like to see how Martin's feelings toward his new school develop with time)

I don't have a lot to say about your grammar (because it's pretty great) but there are some things that I do have to nitpick just so that you're fully aware of them the next time that you decide to rank. Don't forget to proof read for small mistakes like the one below!

QUOTE

as if he were more than just a mere human being like in the other.


Also this is pretty easy to overlook, but remember to keep your tenses consistent! If we look at the appearance section for example, we have something like:

QUOTE

In the way he smiles, so warm and honest, as if he was the only one to know true happiness.


Make sure all the verbs are in present tense if the entire section is! Honestly this is super easy to overlook, but a little glance-over once you're done goes a long way!

You kind of write the way I write, which is to pack as many adjectives and descriptors into a single sentence as possible in order to give vivid imagery. And it can be effective, but it's also a double edged sword in that it's really easy for the reader to get bogged down or lost in the word choices. I have to keep reminding myself often that sometimes, the simple bare bones are the best way to go. Of course, the way you write is distinctive, and I'm not asking you to change any of that, but everything should be in moderation and less can be more. Or more can be more. It depends really, but you shouldn't always be in one extreme.

I honestly have nothing to say about your posts that Tine hasn't already touched on, but I do hope that you thread Martin in situations where he's not always his usual sunshine self (even though I can't exactly complain about that).

Anyway it's been a hot minute and I'm not going to drag this out further, but I APPROVE @Martín Marzán for BEGINNER. Congratulations! You know where to find me if you have any questions about anything I've written.

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Stells Artois · 16 · 6th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'11
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May 18 2017, 06:32 AM   Link Quote
Rank Applying For: Novice
At least three of your recent role play topics:

MISC
I’m going to put these first for the sake of variation and because they’re all still on-going threads.

Beautiful creatures that belong in cages ft. Severin Larsson & Theodore Isley
During my last ranking I was told we needed to see angry Mars, so I’m giving you an angry Mars!
Martín was as a Chaser for the Pickled Pixies when they played against the Notorious Nundu, in his opinion he did amazingly, yet the Pixies still lost and this is quite frustrating for him. After the match he’s at the locker rooms feeling very very upset and -unsurprisingly- he gets into a fight with Severin over things that happened during the match. TJ, being Mars’ cousin and Severin’s best friend, sees himself forced to intervene… rather unsuccessfully.

Not a creature was stirring except for mfin mars ft. Cleo Delaney
This is something I mentioned in his profile but rarely have a chance to bring up in threads, but basically Martín often has nightmares about what happened to his father when he was a kid. One night he wakes up feeling particularly angry after one of these nightmares and apparently this gets Cleo’s empath senses tingling because she goes see what’s going on.
Again, this is still ongoing and it’s only one post, but I figured I should put it here because it is something I find fundamental about Mars and that is not often seen by other people c:

Boy, I try to catch myself but I'm out of control ft. Athelstan Munn
Martín likes to party just a bit too much, I feel like most of us know this, but before Hogwarts he only attended fancy parties with fancy wines and so on. Now that he has adapted to his new environment, he doesn’t seem to mind drinking cheap beer and hanging with awfully dressed people (as he would say) all that much. But a drunk Mars is still a drunk Mars and that means that if he gets challenged to do something, he’ll do it, and probably get injured in the process.
Alas, here’s the story of how Mars and Stan narrowly escaped death when sliding down the stairs, broke a couple of limbs, woke up portraits and angered Archie. Lovely way to spend a night, wouldn’t you say?


The Frutti di Mare Arc
I didn’t want to call this an arc because it’s only with one character but I’ll do it for the sake of organization. Anyway, I only picked a few relevant threads out of this because it’s very long and ongoing and I wouldn’t want to make anyone read unnecessarily.
Basically Florentin and Martín have known each other ever since Martín returned to Spain when he was six thanks to the business ties that exist between the Deschamps and the Marzáns. They were very close as children, but during their years at Beauxbatons their friendship somehow broke for various reasons that will come to be mentioned as this arc further develops. When Martín transferred to Hogwarts they began to become friends once again, and soon they became very close. His friendship with Flo is one of the most important things about Mars’ life at Hogwarts, and this is why I put this here, also because it shows how Mars can really love people and share affections but never develop romantic attachments. I really like the interactions between both of them and I’m looking forward to continuing this c:

{Pensieve} Share your windward dreams ft. Florentin Deschamps
Step into the wonderful -or not so wonderful- world of a six year old Martín Marzán who had until very recently been living a happy life among no-majs in America with his dad. Now that the Marzáns have found him and taken him back to Spain, he spends his days in loneliness at his family’s Madrid villa, learning to be the heir of a pureblood family he’s supposed to be and not being all too happy. That is until one day the Deschamps come to visit and he meets Florentin. At the time he thinks Flo is a girl (can you blame him) and despite their serious language barriers they become friends! (This thread is still ongoing)

La cerveza y el tequila y tu boca con la mia ft. Florentin Deschamps
It is a cold and rainy day in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the Communal Common Room two students find themselves alone and unsuccessfully attempting to complete their homework. It is quite mundane and boring. So, they move on to more interesting things, like… kissing and flirting and Mars saying things that make Flo uncomfortable. You know, the usual.
I picked this thread because I feel like it speaks a lot of how their friendship has changed and evolved since they met again at Hogwarts, and it also shows a lot about how easily Mars does things like flirting and give kisses.

Suerte de tener labios sinceros para besarte con mas ganas ft. Florentin Deschamps
Or as I like to call it: ‘Rainy Days Part 2: The Marie Antoinette Reenactment’. This thread happens right after the Communal Common Room one. Mars and Flo stole a bottle of wine from the kitchens and enjoyed their time at the Room of Requirements doing more than just kissing. Now they try on costumes and it’s quite interesting.
Aside from being the continuation of the other thread, I put this here because it shows a side of Mars I don’t get to write a lot since he isn’t one to have casual flings or sleep around (despite what people might think) and its also important to me because it speaks of the sort of affections he can share with others without a need for romantic feelings.

Does myth and mystery lie where the unicorns go? ft. Florentin Deschamps
Last but not least, Mars and Flo decide to go to the carnival together and waste their time doing very mundane and muggle activities. It's all very casual and fun until Martín forgets that silly little wheat allergy of his and starts feeling very nauseous and sick. Churros, an amazing cause of death.
Why this thread? Well, most of us know Martín to think himself to be the greatest thing that walks on this earth, but he does have flaws both physical and psychological, and those are the flaws pretends don’t exist. Even so, he finds Flo’s presence to be comforting and still has fun and to me that speaks of how much he trusts him and it makes me a very happy Stells.

Commentary: Basically, the last time I ranked Mars I was asked to show more variation in his type of threads, so that’s what we’re aiming for here. This time around I feel like we see a Mars who’s much more adapted to his life at Hogwarts than what he was when I ranked him at Beginner (since he had just transferred) but still his life is very happy-go-lucky aside from the occasional trouble or drunken misadventure. Fear not, for I plan to change this as I do love breaking my children!
Nah but really I do have plans for future developments for Mars, I won’t go into much detail about them because I would write paragraphs and paragraphs but there will be much concerning his opinions on the Marzán family and how that will change overtime (because I do need to throw him in Clash at some point), romantic developments and changes to his opinion on the matter, and well… drama and angst because I do love those very very much. He's a 16y/o boy, and a lot is expected from him even then, there's a lot of things he doesn't want and does he fights against (specially when it comes to his family), and I just want him to start doing some growing up and realize he can't run from some of those things forever <3
As for the threads, I would like to point out that Martín is a very vain and egocentric individual, and most of the mythology comparisons and metaphors are based on this fact and the fact that he himself does think himself to be divine (yep he’s THAT narcissistic), but also based on how being ‘divine’ does not mean he’s perfect and that, after all, he’s named after the God of War for a reason~ The metaphors really are something I wouldn’t like to lose as I find it to be a key when it comes to writing Mars and I have further plans for those. Plus they make me happy because I love me my Greco-Roman mythology.
He’s a character I’ve put a lot of thought into, and one of my favourites to write, so I hope that shows in his threads c: That’s all!

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Qi · 16 · 5th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'10
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May 18 2017, 08:03 AM   Link Quote


Application Accepted!

Thank you for participating in the Ranking System! Your application has been added to the review queue. You can expect your reviews sometime within the next two weeks.

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Qi · 16 · 5th · Viridian Guild · Pureblood · 5'10
Ravenclaw Beginner
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Jun 1 2017, 07:19 PM   Link Quote
So...my immortal enemy...we meet again...Just kidding! Hi Stells, it's me yet again here to start your novice review! I'm sorry that things took a bit of time, but let's just delve right in now that we're here! Anyways, the requirements for novice are:

QUOTE


  • At least 9 posts by your character over 3 threads.
  • Some variation in who you're posting with (ie. threads should not all be with the same character).
  • The beginnings of a long-term plot arc, or at least an idea of where you would like to see your character move towards.
  • A special request (if you'd like one) and your justification for the request. Make sure to highlight any changes you have made between Beginner and now.
  • At Novice, we are focused on consistency in character and writing. At this stage, we will take a break from your profile, and look solely at your character’s threads and plots, with a focus on your character as they have now had time to interact with others. Having had time to develop your character, you should be comfortable writing some common situations they find themselves in. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation should also be consistently correct at this stage, if not always perfect.



Everything looks great here! So let's get started! Just so you know how I'm going to structure this review, I'll be going over your threads and focusing mostly on voice/characterization (your other reviewer will tackle other aspects of your posts) and I will of course give you some further feedback on how you could proceed with development in the future, although you already seem to have a pretty good idea of that.

Now, as you know if you scroll up like 2 posts, I've reviewed Martín before and he is still as great a delight to read now as he was a month or two ago. I appreciate that you've thrown him into all sorts of situations and showcased a side of him that isn't necessarily the ever cheerful, ever bright, ever narcissistic person he presents himself as.

Characterization wise, MAN I LOVE THESE GREEK MYTHOLOGY METAPHORS AND ANALOGIES. They fit Martín as a character so well, and I also love how you allude to other people and other aspects of his life as being parts of this mythological tale. Also, I really do appreciate how you're showing us Martín's emotions rather than just saying that he's angry or he's confused or etc. This is illustrated especially well in Beautiful creatures that belong in cages, because it really would have been easy for you to have simplified the action down to 'Martín punched Severin' but you really expanded further and proved that you know how Martín works, how he thinks, etc.

Now, as much as I love all these metaphors, I'm going to go jump on the 'less is more' train again like I did the last time we talked reviews. Maybe it's because I read all these threads in such quick succession, but there were times even within a single thread that I felt as though I was being beat over the head with this extended Greek mythology metaphor. Remember that we don't need to always say something multiple times for the idea to be conveyed effectively.

Reading over Boy, I try to catch myself but I'm out of control gives me more food for thought on who Martín is (and isn't). Because there is such this interesting dichotomy between who he is and who his family wants him to be, it really makes me wonder just how much of Martín's friendships with people like Athelstan are him rebelling against his family, and how much of it is actual genuine want to be around those kind of people. I think you touch the surface of that in this thread, but I'd like to see you delve deeper into it! Of course, there is something again to be said about saying too much on a certain topic because, as writers, the more self-aware a character is, the more we run the risk of telling the reader what is going on rather than showing them. But you know, it's still something to think about.

I love love love this entire arc with Florentin, and the pensieve thread of them as little kids is genuinely the cutest thing I've read all week. Please give me more it calms my soul. Anyways, I think this arc is definitely a great way for you to explore just what friendships mean (and don't mean) to Martín, and their dynamic is extremely interesting. Your characterization and voice in this arc is as strong as it is in other threads, so I don't have many worries here. But it would be interesting to maybe delve more into where Martín learned his...very interesting definition of friendship from, because I sure as hell know I'm not kissing my best friends any time soon or stroking their cheeks. Also I'd like more threads where Mars explores his flaws more, because he's clearly aware they exist (even if other people aren't) and I'm interested to see whether he acknowledges them and attempts to change or just pushes them away.

So in terms of where to go from here, I think you have a very solid grasp of what you want to do judging from your commentary. As you've said, and as I've said as well, there is that interesting dynamic that Martín has with his family that I hope you continue to explore further, because it seems to influence him at a level far deeper than he is probably conscious and aware of. In terms of arcs, I obviously love what's going on with Martín and Florentin, but a part of me wonders if maybe you could somehow pull other characters in. Or at least have another arc that is tangentially connected in some way, because, as you say, the main point of the arc, other than to showcase their long lasting friendship, is to demonstrate how Martín has these friendships that have so much emotion in them. You could involve a few more people in that kind of idea too! Oh, also, while I'm sure that this is on your list of things to do for the next time you rank, I better know more about what kind of wrench got thrown into Martín and Florentin's friendship in their time at Beauxbatons because, right now, they seem so inseparable it's hard for me to imagine that there was a time where they weren't really close. I'm so curious. But yeah. That was a load of hogwash.

I feel like I've dragged this on long enough, so I'm just going to give the obviously no-brainer verdict here. I APPROVE Martín for NOVICE. Good luck with your next review! <3

@Martín Marzán

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Ruthie · 15 · 5th · Viridian Guild · Muggleborn · 5'3
Slytherin Novice
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Jun 2 2017, 01:21 PM   Link Quote
HI STELLS. My name is Ruthie.. I think I’ve met you.. maybe once before, idk. Okay but for serious, I’m gonna be your second reviewer and lemme tell you. I’m super pumped to get to journey into the wildly self-inflated world of Mr. Martín Marzán. So for this review, I’m going to be focussing on his posts. Alright, since the always insatiable Qi has done us the favours of getting those pesky requirements out of the way, let’s gooooooool!

Let’s start from the very beginning. A very good place to start! In Beautiful creatures that belong in cages I adore how you used the fire metaphor throughout this thread. It wasn’t just a throwaway at the beginning, it was something you re-visited in each post and just really tied everything together beautifully. You were so consistent with this and it really stood out to me in the best way possible. What I also enjoyed about this thread is how it explored a different side of Mars, as we’re all so used to seeing that kind of flirtatious tease who’s always got something witty to say to one up a person. But here he is, the big sore losing baby and I’m ngl, Stells. I am living for it. xD

Ok so let me drop my favourite fire metaphor right here.

QUOTE
It may have not been just about Severin, it may have been about frustration, about disappointment, about the bitter taste of defeat and all the emotions piling up inside him, but when did a fire discriminate among its surroundings? When did it choose to burn one thing and spare another?


This is just gorgeous. It also sort of paints this almost black and white morality, which I think is really interesting, and maybe even something to explore further! I always find these stubborn kinda no grey-area characters to be really fascinating.

Moving onto Not a creature was stirring except for mfin mars, my first thought, just within the first paragraph was daaaaaammnnn Stells sure knows her mythology. xD I know this has been an ongoing thing with Mars, as the boy quite clearly considers himself nothing less of a god, but jinkies, man! You got deep, and it was wonderful. Why not put this knowledge to good use? Honestly, I felt like I learned something! xD So I’m kinda sad this thread didn’t continue, but that was obviously completely out of your control. I would definitely recommend to pursue this further, as you have mentioned this is a major part of Mars that is rarely shown. Even if it’s not with another empath character, is there anyone he can open up to about this, such as Flo? Or, perhaps one of his dorm mates might catch him muttering and tossing and turning and then waking up in a sweat. I would even recommend to go a bit further with the dreams themselves, but of course, not make it too gory. But like, you could incorporate certain details, such as where is he when he’s witnessing his father’s death? Is it always the same place? Is it even a real place or a figment that could represent something else entirely? This may have been something you were planning on exploring more if the thread had a chance to continue, and I’m only dwelling on it because I really think you have an excellent beginning for some very intriguing story telling, so yeah! Just something to mull over, if you hadn’t already.

Moving onto fun time with the Munn Bros!

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Even Gods were flawed. Even Gods had vices and desires and weaknesses. Even Gods sometimes failed. Martín Marzán may have deemed himself divine, may have considered he was above all those who stood beside him and may have even claimed he was perfect, but he would have never been hypocritical enough to say he had no flaws.


I personally enjoy all of the deity metaphors you use when writing Mars and would definitely encourage you to continue, but what kind of struck me here is does this guy ever feel humbled? There’s something very clashing about someone who claims to be perfect, but also have flaws, and that’s fine! People, especially teenagers, are confusing entities that make hypocrites of themselves all the time. And I know and love how high up on himself Mars is, but is there ever anything that might pop his ego and bring him back down to earth, if even only for a few moments? Like even in situations where he’s experiencing such petty, mortal things as breaking his bones, he’s still very above it all. That’s quite obviously his character, and I would never want that taken away, but I think in terms of character growth and development it might do well to explore a possible self-conscious side, no matter how many feet of ego that may be buried under. In fact, that might even be the fun part! xD

Alright! So now for the main course, The Frutti di Mare Arc. Martín and Florentin’s friendship, on a whole, is really starting to take shape with a solid foundation. I’m excited to see more from the both of them, and like Qi said, to delve deeper into the whole idea of friendship in general. Because Mars is such a hilariously narcissistic character so it’s natural that most of his internal reflections would be about himself, but I want to get a bit more of a feel for how really feels about Florentin, and even other characters he interacts with. It’s very clear that Mars considers Flo to be one of the very rare people that’s truly worthy of being his friend, but why? Just because he’s attractive? Are there certain characteristics, personality traits and maybe even ticks about Florentin that he finds endearing? And why does that make him better than everyone else?

I lovelovelove that you included the pensieve thread! It really demonstrates how strong of a grasp you not only have on Mars, but on his entire background and how that has shaped him into the formidable young man he is today. Okay, I need to death drop you with a quote right now because it literally had me screaming.

QUOTE
One day, Martín Marzán would become fit of being called divine, and he would consider himself to be that too. Yet that day, at that garden, he was merely a child enjoying a day of Summer.


I LOVED THIS! And do you know what why I loved it? Because, as I was reading this first post, it had actually struck me how there weren’t any mythology and God of War metaphors in it anywhere. That’s how deeply rooted it’s become to his character. Then I realised, of course there wouldn’t be, because he’s just an itty bitty baby here, but I adore how you took the consideration to add this line in. My only nitpicky thing here is I feel writing “a summer’s day” as opposed to “a day of Summer” would read a little more fluidly, but that’s just semantics. I’m just so appreciative that this thought process was included.

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… making his way around the apple tree until standing right behind the French.


I’ve got this quote here because this is something I noticed a few times in this thread, Martin referring to Florentin as the French. This would be fine if the French was being used as an adjective, such as the French girl. Unless you’re talking about the country as a whole, or the French army, then you might say the French to refer to a group of people, but as a Florentin is a singular person, it just reads a bit strangely. On a whole with this thread, it felt like you were a bit too tentative to refer to Flo as a girl, or use the female pronouns, because you yourself of course know he’s a he. However, if you’re looking at him through a young Mars’ eyes, then go ahead and feminine dat bish up! I’m sure Tine wouldn’t have minded. xD I love the fact that throughout all of your posts you’re using adjectives to describe yours and other characters. This is something I greatly encourage you to continue with, and quite frankly, you already got that down to a fine art, baby! But I feel like it might’ve made certain descriptions a bit less awkward if you allowed yourself to let ickle!Mars just refer to Florentin as a she/her at times.

QUOTE
Had Martín been insecure, he would have wondered if he gave his affections away so easily because he had a desperate need of feeling loved and appreciated, because he craved the contact and because he feared loneliness. Deep down, such things may have been true, though to his eyes the explanations were much different.


You don’t say… you don’t say. This was something I found quite intriguing, because it really paints a different side of Mars that we haven’t seen. This almost harks back to what I said earlier about him ever possibly feeling humbled. It’s not that I necessarily wanna see him knocked down a peg… but who am I kidding? I totally do. xD Hey, even Zeus had Hera to contend with, ya feel? All Gods must fall. Because Mars is very confident, and he’s always gonna be very confident. That’s the boy we’ve all come to love! But I really dig these hidden emotions, this possible fear of being lonely that he might not even accept in himself. If it’s possible, it might be interesting to raise these to the surface, and also explore the why of what led to these terrible, unwanted feelings. Looking at his history, when coming from America to Spain to live with his grandfather, it’s easy to see how loneliness might’ve played a key factor there.

QUOTE
So, there was Martín, turquoise eyes wandering over his own reflection as he hummed the gentle melody of sirens, starring at the mirrors so generously arranged by the Room of Requirements.


I’M HOWLING. Because of course Flo and Mars’ Room of Requirement would be adorned with mirrors. This was just an excellent touch. xDDD

Alright, so we’re getting near the end of this winded review I swear and I hate getting overly critical of typos of grammar mistakes, but I did come across quite a few. The only reason I’m really bringing this up is because I really, truly think you could take Martín far in the ranking process. Your handle on his characterization is superb, and beyond that, your writing is simply gorgeous. You’ve got such a unique style that varies from character to character, making them easy to tell apart without even having to know their names, but always with that signature Stells flair. Because of that, I’d hate to see later rankings get flubbed up by something as silly as typos. You’ve got so much talent and your writing is inspiring. I’d just recommend to apply a bit more proofreading to your posts, just to catch these minor errors, and then you’ll basically be on your way to perfection. Like Mars himself.

… don’t tell him I said that.

QUOTE
A hand wrapped around the ring that hang from his neck


QUOTE
from one of the strongest branches of the tree, hang a swing


In both cases hang should be replaced by the past tense of the verb, hung.

QUOTE
And perhaps this were the reasons why he would grow to be sociable


As reasons are plural, this should be replaced with the plural use of these.

QUOTE
Foolish because he had dealt with those situations many times before, foolish because he shouldn’t have expected them to stop the moment a mere warning was spoken, for warning rarely ever stopped boys like those.


Here, those should be replaced again by these. Generally, you would use those when identifying something or someone that is less familiar or far away. As these situations have been dealt with many times before, and as these boys are the ones in the thread, they’re both familiar.

QUOTE
If there was one truthful lesson attached to being Martín Marzán, that was that the worse someone seemed to the eyes of others, the more entertaining they were to spend time with.


This is just a case of the sentence not quite flowing the way it should. If there was one truthful lesson attached to being Martín Marzán, it was that the worse someone seemed in the eyes of others, the more entertaining they were to spend time with. For the most part, your posts have an absolutely lovely and poetic flow to them, so sometimes sentences like these can stick out like a sore thumb. If anything ever seems like it might appear a bit awkward, try reading it out loud to yourself to see how it sounds. Sometimes we can catch these things better when we hear them.

AND GUESS WHAT?? We have finally reached the verdict! I think it’s pretty darn obvious what’s gonna happen here.. YUP. I am so excited to have the honour of APPROVING @Martín Marzán for NOVICE. Congratulations, Stells! Well done and well deserved! I hope this review has been at least a bit helpful. I love Mars and I adore your writing, and I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us in future rank ups! If you have any questions, you know where to find me. -finger guns-

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ty evan for the adorable pixels! <333
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