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 the blind leading the blind...wait who's blind--, Lenny <3333!!
Alston Byrne
 Posted: Apr 19 2017, 11:06 PM
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"Now you see me--"
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If there was one thing that Alston Byrne feared, it was boredom. It made him skittish knowing that there was absolutely nothing to do besides stare at the walls. It would have been better if the walls actually looked semi-decent, but all he could see was worn paint and maybe a tiny hole that had been made by a nail. He already pulled his usual shenanigans before dinnertime so he didn't want to risk losing the element of surprise with his pranks. The art of pulling pranks was more difficult than most humans would expect; he didn't want to be pulling the same prank each and every single time. That would have been boring for both him and the people he forcibly involved. Did he just say forcibly? No, they were all volunteers obviously. Anyway, now that that was made clear, he owed it upon the population of Hogwarts to pull only the most sophisticated of pranks. Disclaimer: For Alston, sophisticated meant something else entirely and wasn't even close to the dictionary definition. Alston's pranks could range from shooting birds out of his wand and claiming that they were man-eating birds to something simple like placing a certain ingredient in the pumpkin juice that would turn anyone's tongue who drank it blue. It really just depended on his mood and the time of day.

As of now, the trickster was bored out of his mind. Then again, when was there a day that he wasn't bored out of his mind? He supposed that at the very least, he was done with classes for the day so he could lounge around as he pleased...not that it meant much because he was still bored. While he could bother his usual victims, Alston wasn't sure where his usual victims were at the moment. They seemed to be getting better at running away from him. He wondered why was that, when he was always so happy to see them. The trickster stared outside the window, watching as a fly flew straight towards the glass. It landed and stayed there. Raising a brow, he stared at the fly. It still didn't move so he tapped at the glass. It was as if the fly didn't even realize he was there. Wow. He realized he really was bored if he had nothing better to do than to play around with flies.

That wouldn't do for the reincarnated form of Loki. He didn't deal with small fry. No, he only wanted to bait out the good fish. Well...that would be difficult, considering he just made his presence known to his whole house just an hour prior when he decided to pour sprinkles all over the common room. He wasn't sure if anyone would be willing to lend him an ear at this point. Technically, it was possible that there was some poor unsuspecting fool that did not realize it was indeed Alston Byrne the Trickster that pulled the prank. Well, he reckoned that those people may be just slightly hard to find. Who would have been gullible enough not to know about Alston's notorious deeds for the last six years he attended Hogwarts? Or at least, someone who was gullible enough to think that it wasn't Alston who pulled the latest prank in the common room. Just as he thought that, he noticed someone walking into the common room. Hey, that person might just be the one, right? Who needed probability and all that nonsense? Getting up from his seat, he sauntered over and smiled warmly at his fellow Slytherin brother.

“Hello, dear Lenny. Can I be of any assistance today?” He flashed his characteristic grin, which was about as sincere as an alligator attempting to coax a bunny into its mouth.

@Lenny Plunkett
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Lenny Plunkett
 Posted: Apr 27 2017, 08:37 AM
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"buy some one liners i'll throw in some yo mamas"
Ruthie
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Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Emphasis on the word desperate.

The idea had struck him in that precarious moment between fourth and fifth period. The one that followed lunch, when every student was sitting in class with their intestines packed with various foods, and their bladders full of liquids. Some of which were even caffeinated, and we all know how much that can plague a person. It was always within that specific ten minute lull allotted to them to make their way to the next subject that seemed to be the highest volume of traffic making a mad dash to the bathrooms. Most notably, the girls seemed to be the greater frequenters of the loo, sometimes even flooding into them in packs.

After all, you never saw a line up outside of the boy’s toilets.

Lenny himself had never been a user of any public restroom. In fact, the neurotic germaphobe took great lengths to avoid them entirely throughout his day. It was bad enough he had to share a bathroom with his dorm mates, who left much to be desired, if you asked him. That alone made him wanna wretch in terror every time he had to wee wee, but it was still fifty shades better than using one the entire male student populace had stuck their dirty butts on. As such, he made time for himself during lunch to get safely back to his dorms and dispel of any unnecessary waste. He never took in too much food or liquid during meals, and on those occasions where his whole digestive and urinary system just didn’t want to cooperate, welp. He held it. No matter how much he squirmed, or how red in the face he got, there was no way he was even going to even set a toe in any of those infested petri dishes. It was an entire process and, quite frankly, an industry.

Emphasis on the word industry.

How was this something that had never been capitalized on before? To be fair, this small time shyster hadn’t been the first person to think about chargeable toilets. There were, in fact, many parts of the world where you had to pay to pee in public, including parts of Europe.. but had it ever been done in a school? A group of girls pushed by him, charging their way into the lavatory, only to be filtered out one by one, each looking more irritated than the last, as their backs crammed and pushed up against the door. The dreaded line, “Hurry it up, ladies!” One of them bellowed, impatiently knocking the heel of her palm against the doorframe. Really, with the right plan put in motion, someone could make a killing off this.

Of course, that someone had to be him. It was the only thing that occupied his mind during his final classes that day. As he was supposed to be taking notes on the draught of the living or dying or who-the-foop-cares, all he could do was make diagrams and charts on how it could be even remotely feasible to charge someone to use something that was previously, and always had been, free. In the end, all he could come up with was [picture of a toilet] with an arrow pointed to ????? and then, of course, the final step.. profit. He just needed to figure out the ?????, which was, unfortunately, the most vital. If there was one thing that was becoming clear to the pint-sized peddler, it was that he wouldn’t be able to pull this off on his own. No way was anyone going to give him money to use a bathroom when they could just as easily hex him instead. He was going to need backup.

How fortunate that’s exactly what just so happened to bombard him the moment he stepped into the Slytherin common room.

Now, Alston Byrne wasn’t someone that Lenny particularly trusted. If all of Hogwarts was a buddy cop movie and, Satan willing, someday it will be, than Alston would be that guy that was called into the chief’s office and almost kicked off the force just about everyday. You’re a loose cannon, Byrne! And that was exactly what the two-bit huckster needed right now, “Alston,” the shorter Slytherin breathed out as if in a wonder, his head tilting upward to take in all of the older lad, like he was finally seeing him.. for the very first time. You’re a renegade, Byrne.. and you’ll always have a place at this precinct, “Can you tell me.. what’s something that everyone needs to do? Everyone! Man, woman.. and even those in-between,” Lenny was so woke, yo, “What does everyone absolutely have to do, whether they want to or not, like.. at least three times a day?” His eyes glinted like a sewer on a hot summer’s day.

Tagged: @Alston Byrne

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Alston Byrne
 Posted: May 4 2017, 03:18 AM
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"Now you see me--"
Jynx
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Technically, Alston did not choose to be Sorted into Slytherin. In fact, his mother warned him several times not to end up in the wrong house like his uncle. Apparently, getting into Slytherin meant dooming one’s self because there was a 99.9999999% chance of becoming a dark wizard. Unable to resist, Alston pointed out that his mother was also from Slytherin, but was not a dark witch. Unfortunately, his words only seemed to aggravate his mother and earned him a whack on the head. When he told her he got into Slytherin like almost every member on his mother’s side of the family, she freaked out. If it wasn’t for his father, he was almost certain that his mother would have yelled at him until he became deaf.

Instead of yearly visits to Stonehenge, she decided that Alston would go there twice a year. It was an odd family practice, but his mother believed that Stonehenge had magical properties that would weed out all dark and evil thoughts out of people. Alston really didn’t know what to make of it. Most of his mother’s side of the family also made annual visits to Stonehenge, yet half of them still went bad in the end. It didn’t seem to make much of a difference. The same could be said about the houses. He knew one ancestor that turned out to be a bad egg but he was from Gryffindor.

Though he supposed his mother had a point. Sort of. It looked like only the snobbiest of purebloods congregated around the house of snakes. Either that or they were most likely crazy. For example, Elias Deveaux looked like he was the world’s saddest child. He probably practiced brooding in the mirror on a daily basis. Lenny Plunkett was also up there in the crazy mete. The boy was just a tad crazy when it came to money. Sometimes, Alston wondered if Lenny got Sorted into Slytherin because he was destined to become a dark wizard just because someone told him he would become richer for it.

As Lenny stared at him like he was god’s gift to the world, Alston could only stare back with the same crocodile smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t switch between emotions that fast, even though he probably should because good acting skills were needed to trick people. He supposed he needed a more mellow expression for the occasional. Right as Alston finally managed to put on a more appropriate expression, Lenny asked him a strange enough question that his “sincere” look slid right off. He raised a brow.

“Hmm...at least three times a day, you say?” asked Alston, as he rubbed his chin in an attempt to look as if he was in extreme focus. Truth be told, it sounded like the answer could be anything. If living with Lenny for five years had taught him anything, it was that the boy had some really creative ideas when it came to profit. He was like Renée in that regard. He might as well replace his eyes with dollar signs because Alston would bet a lot of money that Lenny only saw dollar signs most of the time. Alston was probably a dollar sign at this moment. Lenny’s question must be related to something about profit. But even as crazy as Alston was, he was unable to wager a guess. Judging by the crazed look in Lenny’s eyes, he supposed he didn’t actually need to guess correctly. He was almost sure that Lenny would tell him the answer regardless, which meant that he was free to answer as stupidly as he pleased. Now, what was the most ridiculous answer that he could think of that couldn’t possibly be related to money? He put his brain to work, cracking the gears that were generally used to prank the Hogwarts population. “Flatulence.” There. He even said it using the more official term. "How many times a day do you fart, Lenny?"

With a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, Alston awaited Lenny’s response.

@Lenny Plunkett
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Lenny Plunkett
 Posted: Jun 4 2017, 10:09 PM
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"buy some one liners i'll throw in some yo mamas"
Ruthie
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The thing about people like Alston was that they thrived off unpredictability. Chaos was their main, and seemingly only motivator. Anywhere they could toss their hand into a shit pile about to get hurled in the throngs of a shit storm, you were guaranteed to find them there. Lenny had dealt with these types before, the impish rogue who delighted off the screams of frustration, and sometimes even fear, of the average person. In some ways, they were a favoured type for the small-time swindler to work with. Often, the only form of payment they really craved was the pandemonium they could help create. The problem with these waggish tricksters was once the going got tough, they certainly got the foop going. Or found a way to throw you under the bus. That was the thing about people like Alston. For as erratic as they could be, simply by their own design, there was something almost predictable about their unpredictability.

Chaos, however, was something the fifth and sixth year shared common. Although there was a divide between them, in that Lenny was only a fan of controlled chaos. Whereas Alston could happily release twelve horny hippogriffs during mating season in the school, and just let them run buck wild to their libidinous hearts’ content, the smaller Slytherin needed be at the helm of the operation the entire time. Lenny wasn’t really into pranks and trickeries, unless they held a purpose or deeper meaning. And by purpose, we mean money. And by deeper meaning, we mean give me your money. Quite frankly, he considered most of what the self-proclaimed fae-boy did was childish and dumb, and he certainly wouldn’t have so much as trusted him with his least favourite orthopaedic insole. Still, there was no denying that a mind as deceitful as Loki Lite’s was exactly what he was looking for, for this latest venture.

It might’ve even been just what his paediatrician ordered!

It was a risk, of course, but what was life without danger? Consider this the neurotic head-case’s own form of an adrenaline rush.. probably because actual perilous and physical activities were way too taxing for him. Alston’s question was.. kind of gross, he supposed, though nothing out of the ordinary for pretty much any boy, “I don’t know..” he answered with a shrug. The shorter kept his eyes trained on the taller lad’s face, his own head tilting thoughtfully, “You’re not too far off the mark, though, buddy boy. Was it not, after all, the great French philosopher Voltaire who so elegantly stated..” and he cleared his throat, “kissing leads to sex, just as farting leads to pooping.” With a wide, reptile like smile to match Alston’s own, the tiny upstart shuffled past the older snake, with a cheerful little hobble from foot to foot, waving the other boy to follow suit. Lenny took special care to make sure not a single part of his person came in contact with him, because Alston had clearly just owned up to having a farty butt, and that was pretty rank.

The harried huckster precariously perched himself on the edge of a stiff couch near the fire, shrugging his book bag off his shoulder. Excitedly, he reached into his backpack and procured the parchment he had been writing his plans while he should’ve been learning, tidily arranging it with careful precision across the coffee table. His diagrams of toilets and money signs, and even one poorly drawn buffed out stick figure version of himself gleefully hopping away with fat sacks full of mad cash, stared back at him, “I’ve been thinking of this all afternoon!” He spoke a bit loudly, because it didn’t matter. The common room was surprisingly empty for this hour. This may have seemed a fortunate circumstance, but actually, common rooms were almost always empty in these one on one type threads. Where were all the other students? I don’t know. Out playing dead pieces of wood somewhere, probably, “It came to me just between — Hey.. who put all these.. are those sprinkles?” The germaphobe looked momentarily disturbed by the colourful specks near his loafers on the floor. With an undeniable shudder, he slowly lifted himself off the upholstery to neatly tuck his feet underneath his rear, “Anyway.. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this until today. We’ve been sitting on a goldmine, Alston! Literally! Sitting on it! So what do you think?” He tore his muddy gaze off his ingenious vision to look back at his possible next partner in crime.

“We’re gonna make people pay to wee.”

Tagged: @Alston Byrne

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Alston Byrne
 Posted: Jun 16 2017, 06:23 PM
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"Now you see me--"
Jynx
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While Lenny Plunkett was busy thinking about the implications of working with a trickster like Alston Byrne--namely, how the older Slytherin would not hesitate to throw him under the bus if worse came to worse--Alston’s mind was filled with...nothing even close to betrayal. His butt was itchy and he wondered if scratching it would offend Lenny’s sensibilities. He was also craving a chocolate frog at the moment and wondered if the other boy had one ready. Lenny was a business person, so shouldn’t he have all sorts of things ready to sell in that backpack of his? There was also the most important question: Was Lenny Plunkett a pirate in his past life, and if so, was he similar to Jack Sparrow? Just because the trickster did not have mutinous thoughts did not mean Alston wouldn’t be quick to flee the moment things turned for the worse. Oh, it was so ingrained within his nature that he didn’t even need to worry about things like that. There was also the fact that the young man had no idea what Lenny was thinking. Try as he might, Lenny Plunkett had been a bit of a strange fellow in that his ideas were always unprecedented. He also seemed to be in love with money and could easily be bribed with a few galleons.

Alston winked. “Come on, you must have an estimate of farts you do in a day. I won’t tell anyone. Scout’s honor.” He slapped a hand across his chest, right where he thought his heart might have been, as he trailed after Lenny. “Voltaire? The guy in the bath towel...or was it toga? I guess that makes sense but what does pooping have to…” There was a bit of silence before the snake opened his mouth again, a wide slimy smile plastered over his mug. “...can I get what he said in French please?”

As the two neared the fireplace, Alston instantly fell onto one of the seats all while watching Lenny take something out from his backpack. It was a drawing or at least, that was what Alston believed it to be. Leaning forward to squint at the parchment, his eyes glimpsed over the toilets and money signs until he finally focused on the fat-looking stick figure. “Who’s the ugly dude in the middle? Is he lord of the toilets?”

Alston blinked innocently (well, as innocently as a trickster could) and tilted his head, eyes still on the parchment. The comment about the leftover sprinkles on the floor was ignored. The drawing looked like a bunch of doodles to him. “Oh, hm. I think your art piece is...wonderful. It’s abstract art, right? I’m pretty sure one of these days, you’ll make it big in the art world. I can see it already: Lenny Plunkett, contemporary abstract artist. You’ll make millions.” Scratching his cheek, the boy gave Lenny an awkward smile as he leaned back into the sofa. How was he supposed to know what Lenny was trying to tell him? It felt kind of cruel to tell him that his drawing looked kind of…

At Lenny’s declaration, Alston let out a long “Ohhhh.” It didn’t take long for the confusion in his eyes to fade, replaced by pure happiness. Not having noticed how careful the younger boy was in avoiding bodily contact with the trickster, Alston jabbed Lenny’s shoulder with the back of his elbow. His mind was running with a million thoughts per hour. This sounded like the best prank he had in awhile. “Did I tell you you’re a genius? No, you’re a mastermind. No, you’re a genius mastermind. Should we charge them depending on whether or not it’s a number one or number two? And what about the defiant who refuse to pay? We need to...load the bathrooms with traps.” Suddenly, Alston looked like a little child who was taken to an amusement park and was told that there wouldn’t be any lines and all the snacks would be free. He was gleeful and it showed in the way he sprung up from the sofa to grab both of Lenny’s hands into his. “Lenny, my new best friend for life. You gotta let me install the traps. Alright?”

@Lenny Plunkett
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